Can You and Your Ego Coexist? Rethinking the Role of Ego in Our Lives

For a long time, the word ego has carried a bad reputation. It’s been painted as the villain in spiritual and self-help circles, something to “kill,” “suppress,” or “transcend.” We hear people say, “That’s just your ego talking,” as if the ego is something separate from us, something shameful or false.

But I don’t believe the ego is something we need to suppress or pretend doesn’t exist.

Denying its presence doesn’t make it go away; it just sends it underground, where it can run the show in subtle and sometimes destructive ways. When we acknowledge it, talk to it, and understand its role, it becomes a tool instead of a trap.

What Is the Ego, Really?

The ego is not your enemy. It’s your sense of self, your “I.” The part of you that says, “I exist.” It holds your preferences, your boundaries, your voice, your personality. It can give you confidence to walk into a room, courage to speak up for someone you love, or wisdom to walk away from a situation that doesn’t serve you.

Your ego can hype you up, and it can also check you when you’re veering off track.

To me, the ego is not a bad thing. It’s a compass, sometimes faulty, sometimes loud, sometimes scared, but a compass nonetheless.

What gets confusing is when people treat “ego” and “egotistical” like they’re the same thing. They’re not.

Ego in the Yoga Room

When I was in yoga teacher training, I remember being told, “Leave your ego at the door.” It was said as if the ego had no place in sacred or healing spaces, as if it were inherently disruptive.

And I remember thinking: How am I supposed to teach with confidence and presence if I leave my ego outside?

So I asked, “How can you teach without your ego? ”Because for me, when I show up with something to say, with presence and purpose, it’s my ego that shows up with me. It helps me stand tall, hold space, speak clearly, and guide others.

I said, “I can bring my ego without being egotistical. ”But I was told, “They’re the same. ”And honestly? I still disagree.

Ego: The Way We Show Up in the World

Another way I’ve come to understand ego is this:

Ego is how we present ourselves to others.

It’s the interface between our inner world and the outer one. The way we carry ourselves, speak, share ideas, make decisions, hold boundaries, it’s all filtered through ego.

Every time you speak, ego is present. Because without it, you wouldn’t even believe you had a place in the conversation.

Ego says:

• “You belong here.”

• “What you have to say matters.”

• “You’re allowed to take up space.”

  
  

That’s not arrogance. That’s identity. That’s participation. That’s presence.

When I speak in a group, when I teach a class, when I write a blog like this one it’s my ego that gives me the confidence to believe my words have a place in the world. And not just my world, but yours, too.

That’s not something to be ashamed of. That’s something to be aware of, in relationship with, and responsible for.

So instead of trying to silence it, what if we said:

“Thank you, ego, for showing up with me today. Let’s move forward together but let’s also check in with the heart while we do.”

Ego vs. Egotistical

Ego	Egotism
Healthy sense of self	Inflated sense of superiority
Confidence rooted in awareness	Arrogance rooted in insecurity
Can admit fault, stay open	Defensive, resistant to feedback
Asserts boundaries with compassion	Controls others to protect image
Works in harmony with soul	Tries to dominate or define worth

The ego is your identity neutral, multifaceted, capable of growth. Egotism, on the other hand, is when that identity becomes inflated and fragile.

Ego isn’t the problem. Unconscious ego is. Untended ego is. Inflated ego is. Disconnected ego is.

A Coexistent Relationship with Ego

The question I keep coming back to is:

Can you coexist with your ego?

Because when you can, something shifts. You’re not battling yourself. You’re in dialogue with yourself.

• You ask your ego why it feels the need to be right.

• You ask your ego what it’s trying to protect when it gets loud.

• You thank it for showing up to help you survive but you don’t let it speak for your soul.

  
  

When we stop fighting the ego and start relating to it, we gain power not over others, but over our choices. We move with more awareness. We speak with more clarity. We lead with more humility.

Ego Can Also Keep You in Check

The ego doesn’t just boost your voice it can also warn you when you’re in too deep.

That gut feeling of, “This isn’t for me,” or “I’m pushing past my limits,” can be your ego nudging you toward self-respect. When connected to your intuition, your ego can help you know when to step back, pause, or say no.

It can say:

• “Step back.”

• “Take a breath.”

• “This doesn’t feel safe.”

• “You don’t need to prove yourself here.”

There have been many times in my life when I took on too much emotionally, physically, and or spiritually. I pushed past exhaustion because I thought that’s what strength looked like. But over time, I realized something powerful:

My ego wasn’t just trying to push me forward it was also trying to protect me.

Creating a relationship with my ego allowed me to step back from stressful situations instead of always leaning in and pushing more. It helped me recognize that I didn’t need to prove my worth through overworking or overgiving.

My ego has whispered to me in those quiet moments:

“You are enough, right where you are.”

That’s not ego as arrogance. That’s ego as self-worth.

Common Sayings About Ego (and Why They Deserve a Second Look)

Saying	Implied Message	What I’ve Learned
“Leave your ego at the door.”	Ego has no place in spiritual or shared spaces.	You can bring your ego—just don’t let it take over the room.
“Your ego is not your amigo.”	Ego is a bad influence.	Sometimes it is your friend. You just need boundaries.
“Check your ego.”	You’re being prideful.	Check it, yes—but also listen to what it’s trying to say.
“Ego death is necessary.”	You must dissolve your sense of self.	Integration can be more sustainable than destruction.
“Ego trip.”	You're showing off.	Often it’s insecurity, not confidence, driving that behavior.

So no, I don’t believe we should suppress or silence the ego. We need to build a relationship with it. Listen to it. Guide it. And most importantly, befriend it.

Because when your ego is in check and in relationship with your higher self, it doesn’t block your path. It walks beside you.

Affirmation:

“I welcome my ego as a guide, not a master. I listen, I learn, I lead with balance.”