We Can Talk Ourselves Out of Anything

The Inner Negotiator

We are master negotiators, especially with ourselves.

We’ll feel a pull to try something new, speak up, set a boundary, or take a bold step… and then the inner voice chimes in:

“Who do you think you are?”

“Now’s not the right time.”

“You’ll probably mess it up.”

“It’s not that bad. Just deal with it.”

Before we know it, we’ve talked ourselves right out of the very thing we were drawn toward.

It’s not because we’re lazy. It’s because we’re afraid.

And fear, when dressed up in logic, can sound very convincing.

The Shape of Self-Sabotage

We rarely say “no” to growth directly.

Instead, we delay, distract, downplay, or decide we’re “not ready yet.”

This is what self-sabotage often looks like in real life:

• Procrastinating on something meaningful

• Over-preparing instead of starting

• Comparing ourselves to others until we shut down

• Talking ourselves out of rest because we haven’t “earned” it

• Shrinking our goals to fit someone else’s comfort zone

  
  

It’s subtle. Sometimes it sounds like wisdom. But really, it’s fear wearing a clever disguise.

Interrupting the Narrative (CBT in Action)

In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), we work with thought distortions, those sneaky, inaccurate beliefs that drive emotional and behavioral reactions.

Here are a few common distortions that show up when we talk ourselves out of things:

1. All-or-Nothing Thinking: “If I can’t do it perfectly, I shouldn’t do it at all.”

2. Catastrophizing: “If I try and fail, it’ll be a disaster.”

3. Personalization: “If this doesn’t go well, it’ll prove I’m not good enough.”

4. Should Statements: “I should have figured this out by now.”

CBT Reframe Prompts:

Try catching the distortion and responding with a gentle counterthought:

• “Even if I don’t do this perfectly, it still matters that I try.”

• “It’s okay to be new at something. Everyone starts somewhere.”

• “What if success isn’t about outcome, but alignment?”

• “I don’t have to believe every voice in my head.”

This is where your memory game could be a beautiful bridge: Repetition helps us build new neural pathways. Each time we catch and shift a thought, we’re rewiring our brains toward resilience.

A Personal Reflection

There have been times when I’ve stood at the edge of something I knew I wanted creatively, professionally, or even relationally, and talked myself out of it.

The reasons sounded smart. Safe. Even spiritual. But deep down, it was fear.

And when I finally said yes, when I stopped negotiating with self-doubt and just moved, something in me softened. The tension lifted. I realized: the hardest part wasn’t doing the thing. It was all the mental energy I spent avoiding it.

Gentle Questions to Shift the Pattern

• What is one thing I’ve been talking myself out of lately, and why?

• What would happen if I tried it, just a little, without pressure to get it “right”?

• Is this resistance rooted in wisdom… or fear?

• What’s one small thought I can replace with something truer?

From Fear to Forward

You don’t have to feel ready to move forward. You just have to stop believing the voice that says you’re not allowed to.

So the next time your mind starts bargaining, stalling, or spinning… pause.

Breathe.

Ask: What am I really afraid of?

Then take the smallest possible step in the direction of truth.

That’s how we build resilience.

That’s how we shift the story.

That’s how we reclaim our voice.